Afraid you friend really isn’t your friend? I’ve got one of those, too. I’m living with a pending friendship break up and decided, while I’m in the midst of this separation, to come up with a warning list of traits that will hopefully help you determine if you’ve got a friend in disguise polluting your life.
- She Demands All of Your Time
Don’t get me wrong, I genuinely enjoy spending time with my friends. However, I do have to work, pay bills, write and somehow still manage to spend time with my significant other. Oh, and sleep, too. Meaning, I don’t have time to spend every waking hour with my friends, as much as I would love to. My best friend live over a thousand miles away and we still manage to maintain the same level of friendship as if she were here. If you live within 20 miles of me and act as if our friendship is dwindling because I couldn’t hang out with you last weekend, you’re not really my friend.
Is it bad for a friend to want to spend a lot of time with you? No, absolutely not. What is a warning sign is when your friend gets mad every time you say you’re unavailable, or when you don’t have the money to do what they’re planning. A true friend should understand life is a balance of fun and obligations and should not run to anger when those obligations get in the way of the fun times.
What you’ll see a lot is something like this:
“What’s going on? You never want to spend time with my anymore” (When ya’ll literally just hung out last week)
“Boo, you suck” (When you don’t want to hang out, mean girls much?)
“Smh, I’m not trying to force you to do anything” (When you’re double checking your calendar)
“You’re not being a good friend lately”
“You got food without me?” (My personal favorite)
- She Tests You
By “test” I mean she seeks validation of your friendship or proof of your believed “wrong doings” through a series of vindictively devised questions or scenarios. I’ll share a scenario from my life to help put it into perspective.
“Are you going to the game tonight?”
“When did you plan on telling me this?”
We can see here that clearly she only asked this question so she could get upset if I said yes, and prove that I was playing a treacherous game by not advising her of my actions.
Side rule – Friends are not your girlfriends/boyfriends. You do not have to tell them every detail of your life.
This isn’t necessarily testing, but when your friend asks you what you’re doing just to get upset that you’re not doing something with them, they’re testing if you’re going to apologize or not.
“What are you doing tonight?”
“On a date at the movies.”
“Oh….ok….have fun enjoy your night.”
Dramatic, much? There is absolutely no need for this type of pity party. Move along, folks – she’s crying wolf, again.
- You Can’t Trust Her
While the above examples are incredibly annoying, I didn’t really realize what type of friend I was dealing with until I realized the trust factor had disappeared – not only with information I would give her, but with information about other people.
Example – I witnessed a moment between a coworker of ours that we don’t really care for and wanted to tell my friend about it. However, when I went to tell her I got a sick feeling in my stomach. It was then I realized that what I wanted to tell her about the coworker would damage the coworker’s reputation if it got around the office. Knowing my friend, I knew even if I told her not to say anything she would tell other people because she gets off on making other people look bad. It was at this point I knew the trust factor had been lost if I couldn’t even trust her with a small piece of gossip.
- No One Else Likes Her
It is your job to defend your friend against people who do not like them. There will always be people out to get others and I am by no means saying throw your friend under the bus if one person comes out as disliking her. Not everyone is for everyone.
However, if a huge number of people don’t like her – to the point where it’s hard to find people who do like her, you might have a problem. While it’s true not everyone is for everyone, if everyone hates her she’s probably not a good person. It took me a long time to realize this. While I knew numerous people didn’t like my friend, I figured it was just a case of “haters gonna hate” syndrome. I would make a plethora of excuses for her until finally I saw the bad in her.
I eventually started asking people “why don’t you like her.” The responses I got were all pretty similar.
“She can’t be trusted, she’s a gossip”
“All she does it tell on others or make up stories to make her look better.”
“She’s too dramatic.”
“She’s dramatic and I look bad for being around her.”
“Her Aura is black, yo. Thick and evil.”
“She only cares about herself.”
If no one likes her, there is ALWAYS a reason. Investigate and figure out why. This will help you decide if she’s really your friend, or not.
- You Genuinely Do Not Enjoy Her Company Anymore
Lastly, friends, if you just don’t enjoy being around her anymore do yourself a favor and learn to keep a friendly distance. I’m not really about friendship break ups, but if you distance yourself for a while the friendship will diminish on its own. (There are some situations where a friendship breakup IS necessary, and if you’ve reached that point, do it).
Really, there is no point wasting both of your time. Not to mention feeling miserable every hour you have to spend pitying her. Life is too short for bad friends.
Let me repeat for those in the back:
Things I learned the Hard Way: Life is too short for bad friends.